A recent exchange of emails between First Lady Michelle Obama and President Barack Obama, posted by wikileaks today, details how Obama had come close to kidnapping and smashing Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte into pieces over his insolent speech. Under operation Behave, Duterte would have been abducted by a Special Forces unit to be atomically destroyed at a special Area 51 lab using state of the art laser beams. “Punk ain’t worth even the fuel, which the Philippines does not have much of.” Michelle told Obama in one email.

Many generals were in favor of commencing the operation to test how the new laser beams work on violent retards.