Azhar is the new Middle Ages Catholic Church

Feisty Azharis defend their paychecks, assert they will fight for theocracy

Azhar, the medieval religious establishment that evolved from Katateeb*, is hellbent on keeping its fundamentalist claws lodged in Egypt’s throat. In a recent statement by Azhar University, the castle from the Middle Ages declared separation of mosque and state will happen only over its dead corpse. The darkly comedic institution has also launched a counter attack against the few sane persons criticizing its curriculums. Azhar curriculums include gems such as blessing devouring the meat of infidels and Muslims who deliberately abandon the five daily prayers, yes, you read that correctly, a university in the year 2014 has lessons on eating heathens.

In other words, Azhar spends taxpayers’ money on teaching its students ancient scriptures that would not be out of place in any Elder Scrolls game, and, doesn’t like it when a dozen writers and TV hosts with some still functioning brain cells speak against its ways. You may think this is maddening enough to fuel a reformation revolution, right? You would be wrong, there are no revolutions in the near future, in fact…..are you ready for this?…..are you?…..sit tight… most Egyptians revere Azhar, and you know what they call it? A beacon of light, so forget the Large Hadron Collider or the MIT or CERN, we have the Azhar guardians of belief, they teach us how to be on good terms with Big Guy to secure our places in Heaven.

And maybe its time we went to Heaven, I mean the Arab Spring is turning most Arab Countries into war zones with crumbling economies, ISIL is here offering free beheadings, and sectarian strife is blossoming beautifully in the region, what could be a better time to take the bus to Heaven? Not to mention that our time on Earth is at best 125 years, life in Heaven is eternal, an infinity of extremely beautiful sirens for good Muslim men and I’m sure there is also something just as fabulous for good Muslim women. It’s simple math, 125 years are null compared to infinity, why bother making life here any better or any modern?

Welcome to Heaven.

*Classes held on the streets to teach little kids how to memorize the Quran

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